Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Marriage Seminar Part 4

Sealed Together
talk by Ronald Waldon

He talked about a couple he know for most of his adult life and that he thought they were a great couple and had great kids. Years later they moved away and they still kept in touch but not as often. Then he heard his friend had moved out of his house and was getting a divorce and was dating a lady and moving in with her.
He asked his friends wife what had happened or what lead to this. She said a month after they were married they had their first fight and he started calling her names vulgar ones and cursing at her and though she didn't like it She chose him and thought that to get divorced was the wrong idea and if she stuck with it it would "pay off" in the end and she would be rewarded for dealing with it. So she dealt with it and just gave her kids a heads up whenever he was like this. Then after 30 years or so he told he was moving out and wanted a divorce. He was excommunicated from the church and was living with a new lady.
So he called his friend not telling him anything he had talked about with his ex wife. He said things were fine but he stopped loving his wife and drew apart. That was the only thing this man thought was wrong with the marriage. So He asked him you never had any problems or fights or anything. The man replied with, "We fought a bit and I would get mad sometimes but nothing big." He still didn't get it. He didn't think the things he said were wrong. Later the man told him he was leaving his new girlfriend and it wasn't working. He said he was going to try to get his ex-wife to take him back. He asked him if he thought she would take him back and he said he thought she would. he later talked to the lady and she said she never would have divorced her husband, Ever. But since he did she would never go back to the bad relationship they had. Never. 
Then he talked about how this man and woman had a temple recommend and were sealed and every year they would answer the question, Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church? And every year they would both answer no. He didn't think it was wrong and she never told anyone he was doing it. He also asked her one time why she never told anyone. And she answered with It would make it worse if she did so she just thought everyone has issues, its not like she was perfect either. He could not believe they never got help or tried to get counseling. But the he became a bishop and a stake president and learned and many women ask for help and the men never change anyway. They don't think name calling and criticism are wrong they feel they are only "helping" their wife to become a better wife or mother. He said to get help if you feel that your relationship isn't right in anyway. Even if you think its small. 
I loved this talk. I really wanted to hear the parenting one but when I heard this one I loved it more. He was so in-tune with everything he said. 

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