Wednesday, July 20, 2011

From a Backwoods mom

Because naive parenting leads to unprepared teenagers...

Nobody really looks like that. Stop trying to achieve the impossible.

That eighty dollar pair of jeans looks exactly the same as that thirty dollar pair of jeans.

Lower back tattoos are called a “Tramp Stamp” for a reason.

In ten years you will be nothing like the person you are today. I know you don't believe me. But please try not to embarrass the future you.

Having a baby as a teenager is fun for about six minutes. And then all your friends get tired of holding the baby and slowly drift away, back to their silly, teenager lives. Yours is over.
Learn how to swing a hammer, change your oil and flip a breaker.

It does not hurt him when you say, “NO”. He will not explode and die like he may try to convince you.

Do not text pictures of your body to teenage boys. I can’t even begin to explain how this cheapens you.

Makeup should be worn so that it looks like it’s not being worn.

You will remember your first time your entire life. Make sure he’s worth remembering.

Do not post Facebook pictures of yourself scantily dressed in your bathroom mirror. Everyone hates it.

If you must, a two drink limit keeps things in perspective.

Learn to cook.

You do not have to be tomorrow, who you were yesterday.

If you have to look in the mirror more than twice a day, you are spending too much time on your looks.

There is a fine line between sexy and sleazy. If you don’t know what the line is, you are probably sleazy.

Relying on your looks will only last until the first pregnancy. Plan for college.

Showing your cleavage is not what attracts him. He knows what’s in there and his imagination is even more generous than your proportions. Cover yourself a bit…and give him something to think about.

Wear comfortable shoes.

Nobody noticed that zit until you pinched the crap out of it. Smile, they will only notice your gleam.

Sometimes lust feels like love. Identify the difference as soon as possible and you will have fewer regrets.

If you wouldn’t want your grandmother to know you are doing it, don’t do it.

Jeans and a t-shirt always wins.

Playing stupid only makes you look stupid.

He is not going to change. No, he’s not. Stop arguing. You can’t fix him.

Peer pressure is no excuse for stupidity.

If he says the words, “But, if you loved me you would…” run the other direction. Don’t walk, run.

There will be moments later in life when you wonder what the Hell you were thinking back then. At each pivotal moment of your teenage years, ask yourself whether this could be one of them.

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