Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My Life

This is my life. Ups and downs. No end in sight. I just cant see why I am here. I don't get it. He loves me, He loves me not. He likes me, now he doesn't. Just a different story everyday. He wants to make it work but he changed his mind. I think he just doesn't want to have to pay me any money if we get divorced. I don't think he loves me at all I think he just says it but he hasn't been in love with me for a long time. How long I don't know but I am just tired of his back and forth "I'm sorry but I am still gonna do it again." I don't think thats how God planned the definition of sorry. I do all I can to let him know I want to work on things and that I want to be with him, but then he still asks "How do you feel about me?" I don't know how do I feel about you? Lets see everything I say, you say is the wrong answer so why bother thinking about it anymore. Then you say 'This isn't gonna work' just like always. Three sentences into a conversation and you give up. Gee thats a big shocker. You never even give us a chance you just look at things and say "Shes nice now but if I talk to her shell get mean. She's working on things I want her to, but WHY? Is it because she just is faking or what? Why is she nice what changed her mind?" I don't know me I changed my mind! Why do I have to have some BIG Humongous reason that I want to be with you? Why cant I just choose you? Why cant I just love you and choose you and be with you without skepticism? Because you are skeptic, thats why. Everything I do for you and the family you ask "why". I am so tired of explaining myself. I just did it thats why no reason! Cant people just do things just to do them? Or does everybody need some huge reason for being nice to others???

Sometimes I think I'd be better off Dead......

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